The Pursuit Of Happiness

  When Rhonda Byrne’s book The Secret was published earlier this year, it got us all thinking about self-help and the route to happiness. But who has the time or the money to sift through the self-help crap that overcrowds bookshelves in search of a better life? After a thorough investigation into all of the self-help literature out there – ahem, if you can call it that – it appears that the route to happiness can be broken down into several simple steps. So read, print out and savour, reader. It’ll certainly save you a load of dough. Whether you think it’s New Age nonsense or the saviour of our souls, if you’re down in the dumps, stuck in a rut or popping Valium like they’re going out of production, self-help’s got to be worth a shot… Right?

Look After Yourself
  Make sure that you don’t let yourself down; if you don’t look after your body or your mind, then your self-help program will be hindered before it’s even begun. Make sure that you eat well (plenty of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, dairy products, lean meat and low saturated fats), exercise regularly (three to four 40-minute sessions per week, in addition to soothing practises such as Yoga) and get enough shut-eye (at least seven hours per night) to ensure that you’re in the right mindset to better yourself. If your diet consists mainly of McDonald’s, the highlight of your exercise regime is reaching for the TV remote and you barely get two hours of sleep each night, then you’re hardly going to feel like embarking on a self-help quest, are you? If you have enough energy to pursue those dreams of yours, you’re halfway there.

Accept The Facts
  Ok, so things haven’t exactly worked out as planned. You’re pushing 30 and you don’t have that dream job, that million-dollar house or that leggy blonde wife. Get over it. Not accepting the facts of your life will lead to resentment, bitterness and deep-rooted discontent. Frighteningly, this is the kind of unhappiness that sends the great unhinged on rampant killing sprees armed with machetes and machine guns. You don’t want to join them behind bars. Your inability to admit reality is probably why you’re self-prescribing happy pills, so take stock of your life, ask yourself what you don’t like about it and regain control. You can find out what’s making you unhappy by keeping a journal for a couple of weeks. Jot done everything you do during the day and describe how you feel. Once you’ve examined the link between what you do and how you feel afterwards, you’ll start to see a pattern in your unhappiness. Are you unhappy after you’ve been to work, or are you unhappy when you’re at home with your girlfriend? Once you’ve established exactly what the problem is, you’re better equipped to fix it – and fast. But remember, only you can make you happy. If it’s your job dragging you down, then find another and quit. If you found a job easily enough the first time then you’ll be able to find another, preferably one that makes you happier than you are now. Life’s too short to hang on to things that aren’t making you happy.

Embrace Positive Thoughts
  We all have a tendency to think the grass is always greener on the other side, but more often than not it isn’t. In fact, the grass is usually parched and hasn’t been mowed in a very, very long time. The woman who leaves her safe, reliable husband for a muscle-bound hunk she hardly knows is likely to crave the stability of her husband when she’s living in a trailer with the hunk she hardly knows and his mother. Take account of all the good things in your life and learn to be optimistic. While your job may be crappy, if you’ve got a good girlfriend and a great group of buddies then it can’t all be bad. Rather than focus on what’s gone wrong, focus on what’s gone right and don’t dismiss your entire life as problematic because of a few tricky areas. As British psychologist Nick Baylis says: “What happens is you look into the past and think about some event, saying, ‘I messed up, I messed up,’ and you let it hurt you. You keep feeding it the oxygen of attention and the flames keep burning you.” Learn to see the glass half-full as opposed to half-empty and mull over the things in your life that put a smile on your face, not a frown. Baylis continues: “You have to thank your lucky stars about what goes right on a daily basis. Whenever you get a feeling of being negative about things, just take a moment out and remind yourself of the stuff that has gone well. It could be anything from a conversation to your garden looking nice, or that it didn’t rain on you when you were out on your bike. It’s an extremely powerful technique.” Indeed it is, so try it – what have you got to lose? Ultimately, the important thing is to put your life into perspective, which will help build a buffer against unhappiness and better equip you with handling life’s little knocks. And there will be knocks. Remember, all progress comes from longing for a better life. So if you want it badly enough, go and get it.

Reject Negative Thoughts
  Automatic negative thoughts are part of human nature, but you can do your best to quash them. For instance, when your boss calls you into his office don’t automatically assume it’s to fire your sorry ass. Maybe, just maybe, it’s to give you that long-overdue promotion you were promised three years ago. Similarly, when your girlfriend wants to have one of those talks, don’t automatically assume it’s because she’s finally realised that she’s out of your league and has been seeing her steroid-pumped gym instructor for the past six months. You might well be getting fired or being dumped, but the important thing is to reject these negative thoughts that bring you down before you’ve even reason to be down. To overcome this destructive mindset, acknowledge that you have this negative thought, don’t act on it and move on. The longer you implement this thought process into your life, the more it will become like second-nature and destructive thought patterns will be a thing of the past.

Conquer Jealousy
  Many people are bitter because they think that people they’d like to be were handed success on a silver platter. It’s not true. The vast majority of millionaires are first-generation millionaires, meaning they’ve had to work very hard to get where they are and what they have wasn’t handed to them by indulgent parents. Rather than resent them, see this as good news for you. If they can do it without being born into the aristocracy or going to an Ivy League school, then you can too.

Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness – It Really Doesn’t!
  It’s been proven that once you’ve got enough money for life’s basics – food, shelter, water etc. – money will have little effect on your happiness. Sure, you’ll feel ecstatic when you jet off to the Caribbean or buy yourself a harem of beauties, but this happiness is rarely long-lasting. US psychologist Martin Seligman says, “The biggest mistake that people in the rich West make is to be enchanted with the Hollywood idea of happiness.” He goes on to say that to live a truly happy life, you must pursue a meaningful life. To do this, you need to identify your signature strengths – whether it is a love of learning or playing an instrument – and indulge them as much as you can. This passion will ultimately lead to your long-lasting happiness. So carry on buying that weekly lottery ticket by all means, but don’t expect miracles.

About the author:

  Nick studied at Sussex University and graduated with a degree in English Literature and Media Studies. When he’s not writing – which isn’t often – he enjoys spending time with friends and family, watching movies, downloading music, eating out and travelling as much as he possibly can; Marbella, Miami, London and Phuket are his favourite places in the world.

  Nick has worked on a number of newspapers, magazines and websites – including Caché, Colures and AskMen.com - and specialises in popular culture, luxury and travel. He particularly enjoys writing about all that is beautiful in the world, including luxury hotels, trendy restaurants andthe latest gadgetry for the home. If it’s hip and gorgeous, Nick will have something to say about it.

  He is currently working on his first children’s book, which hasgenerated interest from a number of London-based publishers, and runs his own online magazine at www.gunpowder-magazine.com.