10 Things To Do Before You Die

  As a man, you're predisposed to thinking about the grimmer aspects of life, such as its polar opposite, death. And if you've ever thought about death, and more importantly, when yours might be, you might catch yourself wondering what you'd like to have done before the Grim Reaper taps you on the shoulder with that enormous scythe in his skeletal hands. This is a list of stuff every guy should have done if he should die before he wakes, from the humorous to the, er, deadly serious. Live every day as if it's your last, we say!

The Last Supper

  Even criminals enjoy a last supper, so make sure that you have something suitably delicious if you've an inkling the end is nigh. Perhaps it's that lobster meal you've always been too cheap to splash out on, or perhaps it's a recipe you've never been adventurous enough to try. Whatever it is, eat it before it's too late.

Hunt Something

  We recommend that every man should have killed his own dinner at some point during his meaningless life, in some kind of throwback to the days of our caveman ancestors. We're not suggesting you go on a mad rampage through a field of cows and take out as many as you can with a spray of bullets, but we do think that any man worthy of his testosterone should have hunted for his food at some point between birth and death. And do aim higher than a chicken, please.

Have A One-Night Stand

  If you end up in a wooden coffin without having a one-night stand, you've missed out on an important part of manhood. Indeed, getting so drunk you're sick in your shoe and waking up beside a hideous beast of a woman is all part of being a guy. After all, "coyote ugly" isn't only reserved for women; chewing off your arm just so you can get away from her is all part of having a penis. Just try not to mess your secret liaison up and get her pregnant; that is not part of having a penis (at least, not with a one-night stand it isn't!). If you haven't had a one-night stand and you're married we're not recommending that you go out and cheat on your wifey; we say dump the lady first and then sow your wild oats. Seriously. Get sowing.

Get So Drunk You Pass Out

  While we'd never suggest you binge drink in any normal, healthy circumstances, if you suspect you may be dying then you're entitled to get as drunk as humanly possible to drown out the pain. Go out with your buddies, order beer, shots and anything else you can get your grubby little hands on; hell, you could even splash out and buy the barmaid a bevy. If you wake up the next morning and haven't a clue as to where you are or, more frighteningly, who you are, then you've succeeded, friend. Indeed, unless you've had a night you can't remember before your "ashes to ashes" moment, then you might as well not have lived at all.

Try To Fix Something

  How can you call yourself a man if you're on your way out and you've never tried to fix something? It doesn't matter if it actually worked or not, but before you pop your clogs you need to be able to say that you tried a spot of DIY. It can be anything, from a broken-down motor to reattaching a door, but get it done. And no, screwing in a new lightbulb doesn't count, cheater.

Have A Threesome

  We've seen it countless times in thousands of kinky movies, yet most men haven't indulged in a filthy threesome by the time they meet their maker. Shame on them! It doesn't matter which two women you do the dirty deed with, just do it. Nothing will make you feel more masculine than having two different women pawing over you at the same time... And paying for it doesn't count.

Get Involved In A Fight

  OK, not all us guys are blessed with bulging biceps, but we are all blessed with knuckles. What else are they for if not to clench them and slam them into someone else? It could be your condescending boss or a drunken idiot in your local bar, but a man's man will have KO'd someone before they are put to rest. If time is of the essence and you fear you may never have shed blood by the time you get to the pearly gates, then annoy someone on your deathbed and get a swipe in before they smother you with your pillow.

Travel To A Far-Flung Destination

  If you've never stepped foot outside of your trailer park, then it's high time you did something about it. There's a whole world out there, for God's sake; embrace it before it's too late! Highly recommended is a trip to somewhere like Thailand or Brazil, where the drink is cheap and the women are easy. There are, of course, drugs-a-plenty, but unless you want to spend the rest of your life banged up in a cockroach-infested prison filled with murderers and rapists, we recommend you steer clear of them and stick to more legal tourism. Like sunbathing. Or swimming.

Get The Body Of Adonis

  Admit it, your body's a mess; not only is your belly straining underneath your shirt, but your man boobs are bigger than Pamela Anderson's and your "love handles" haven't seen love in years. Years of drinking and eating have left their mark on your physique, but there's still time to sculpt yourself into the Greek god you know lies within. Hire a personal trainer, get yourself on a diet and watch the women come a-flocking. If for no other reason, slim down so that you actually fit inside that coffin without your ushers straining under the weight of your hefty carcass.

Admit That You Were Wrong

  Fact: Men don't like to apologise. But it doesn't always have to be like that. We're not actually programmed to be ignorant buffoons, it just turned out that way. Before you depart from this world, make amends with someone you've wronged in the past; it could be a parent, an ex-girlfriend or someone you know you'll piss off in the future when they discover you've left them zilch in your will. Say sorry, mean it and feel so much better about yourself. Go on, try it and make sure that you really do rest in peace.

About the author:

  Nick studied at Sussex University and graduated with a degree in English Literature and Media Studies. When he's not writing - which isn't often - he enjoys spending time with friends and family, watching movies, downloading music, eating out and travelling as much as he possibly can; Marbella, Miami, London and Phuket are his favourite places in the world.

  Nick has worked on a number of newspapers, magazines and websites - including Cache, Colures and AskMen.com - and specialises in popular culture, luxury and travel. He particularly enjoys writing about all that is beautiful in the world, including luxury hotels, trendy restaurants andthe latest gadgetry for the home. If it's hip and gorgeous, Nick will have something to say about it.

  He is currently working on his first children's book, which has generated interest from a number of London-based publishers, and runs his own online magazine at www.gunpowder-magazine.com.